


For a little while

by teaforyou



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Feels, Established Relationship, F/M, Mutual Pining, Porn with Feelings, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 17:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28674159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaforyou/pseuds/teaforyou
Summary: Shinji was used to settling for scratches. A little bit of her was better than nothing.
Relationships: Ikari Shinji & Souryuu Asuka Langley, Ikari Shinji/Souryuu Asuka Langley
Kudos: 34





	For a little while

Shinji couldn't tell how they ended up like that.

In a general way, but more precisely like _that_ , in that moment.

With Asuka pressed up against the hallway wall, with her panties and denim shorts rolled down her legs, so wet she was flowing down the inside of her pale thighs, and his chest against her back, his cock pressed against the creak of her ass, one of his hand between her legs.

He could take, fuck her like that, take control of it. Maybe she’d want him to.

_Are you a man or what?_

He could almost hear her voice in his head calling him out.

Her mouth was on his the minute Misato waved them goodbye pretending she didn't want to go out for drinks with Kaji. Shinji knew the truth, he was happy for her. Misato told them they were old enough to _behave,_ but it sounded more like a joke coming form her, and shut the door behind her She had work in the morning and had no intention to be late. Shed’ be late. The door closed and Asuka’s hands, small and torturous, slided underneath his t-shirt and down his pants.

Usually, she pushed him into her mattress, bed and ride him, told him what to do, how to do it, when to do it and he… he _obey_ _ed_ and that was it.

Because he might be eighteen and older and taller, his features sharper and his limbs longer but he’s weak and miserable and pretty much of a coward like he was when he was fourteen.

And he wants her, since he was fourteen.

Shinji never stopped wanting her. And that way he has her, and she lets him have her and he doesn't want to lose it. Because it’s enough. It’s just enough of her.

* * *

  


He traces a line between her legs, fingers gathering her wetness, before he pushes one inside her.

Asuka just moans.

He pulls away a finger, coating with her wetness. Asuka gasps and drag her cheek against the wall. Her muscles tensing.

She kicks away, steps out of her underwear and shorts and bend over, offering her ass to him.

The need is the only thing he can feel, he’s so hard he’s barely reasoning, letting out the words seems an almost impossible task.

_Condom?_

“I need…” he breaths heavily, “to get a condom”, he's not nearly lucid enough for thinking to reach his bedroom.

“Inside the pocket of my shorts” she tells him, nodding at her shorts on the floor.

He kneels to get them, wondering on the back of his mind why Asuka was going around with condoms inside her pockets. What had she been thinking of? _Him_?

The hope snicker inside him unexpectedly and cuts him from inside and hurts more than actual pain, but he’s never been good at learning it. When to stop wishing for things to be different.

And why, why was she so wet? Like she counted’ wait for him to…

No, Shinji won’t let himself think Asuka wanted this the way he did. Soft and tender and loving, but at the same time hot and burning.

Asuka just burns. And he was he one who was on fire, left screaming in pain afterwards.

She looks at him, bats her eyelashes, blue eyes shine. She wets her lips, her breaths heavy. “Hurry”, it’s all she says.

He tears apart the small plastic bag with anxious fingers. He fumbles a little.

Then, his hands hold her hip, he thrust inside her, she braces the wall.

* * *

Part of her felt like she’s knew gonna end up that way.

Growing up with a guardian like like Misato, really it wasn’t that surprising... if she is meant to use man she might as well start already with him.

But she is trying hard to strangle that voice which keep asking that if she could use any man, then why him?

_Why him?_

_Why him?_

_Why him?_

He’s barely even a man in her eyes. But now, now it’s just addictive and she’s still the angry fourteen year old girl talking, scared to be alone, scared to let the amour fall for someone who wouldn't’ even hold her when _she_ kissed him. Who didn't even ask her to let the amour fall, to remove her amour. Because when he touched her, finger caressing and tender like silk, finger that could shatter all of her glass, she was already naked. And in the end she found out she was made of glass, just like him. And he had hands of velvet but he had also the power to break her.

  


* * *

Because they can use each other like that. That’s the adult world. And they’re grown up enough now.

That way he can forget his father never loved him, _nobody_ ever loved him, that his mother is dead and never coming back, that he can’t talk to people, he cant’ talk to _her_.

But like this, they don't’ need to talk.

The way he moans her name, _Asuka_ , is enough.

He can forget his father never loved him, he barely remembers the face of his mother some times, And she can forget that her mother wanted her to die with her, that her mother preferred a doll, as stupid, _fake_ doll, in her place.

They can forget everything.

Shinji thrusts inside her and there is an _i hate you, i love you_ , _hate me,_ _love me_ in her mind, confused, intertwined together like it’s the all same, it’s all the same, because when she’s with him it’s the same, it’s all confused lost until nothing makes sense anymore. And there's only him, _Shinji_ and his thrusting.

They can do that and it will mean nothing, that’s what Asuka told him, this means _nothing, nothing nothing._ The adult way.

But how could it mean nothing to him? When he found himself stealing glances at school, stealing glances at home, his eyes on her all the damn time. Like she was something made to be look at. When she was the the only one he’s ever wanted to looked at.

That hasn't change since he was fourteen.

  


  


* * *

  


He thought he was not good at sex.

Shinji thought he wasn't not good at many things actually. And sex is weird. He bets Asuka thinks he’s not good at it either, he doesn't know. He does what she wants, what she needs, maybe he can senses it, hoping she’s happy with it. But Asuka tighten around him, and call him idiot so many times, and she calls him Shinji some times too and he loves the way she call his name.

When her eyes are sparkling blue, he feels like drowning into her ocean water and he isn’t even scared he cannot swim, he will drown right inside her.

When she called him Shinji, her hair a frame to her flushed face, and he’s inside her, his hips smash against her recklessly without control.

He doesn't want to hurt her in any way, but sometimes she strips out his self control like it’s made of thin air. He knows he hurts her in many ways in the past.

_Don’t come near me, all you do is hurt me!_

He doesn't want to hurt her like this too.

“Idiot, not so hard” she hissed, but she’s lying. She likes it exactly that hard, with his hips slammed against her and his hands on her breasts. And him deep inside of her. Her muscles tighten around him everytime he fills her, thrusts inside.

An apology is on his lips but he won’t speak it. He can't.

She wouldn't like it anyway.

* * *

He’s not sure he likes doing it like that, whether he prefers it this way. He wishes he could kiss her, look at her eyes but Asuka doesn't turn her head.

Maybe its better this way, its sad he cant’ see her face but she can’t see his.

She cant’ see how _weak_ he is. She can’t see that he is competely capture by her. She can’t see how much he actually loves her. She can see how much hard he’s fallen for her.

He can kiss the side of her neck, her hair falling down her back and her shoulders, he can trace the bumps of her spine with his fingers, the curve of her hipbone, the edge of her hard nipples, take all of her moans and cherish the memory of her voice like that for him.

He can touch her.

He slide a hand between her legs, fingers finding her clit, she lets out a sharp cry. He drive himself inside her, hard and deep. Shut his eyes until blackness underneath them wraps him, Asuka’ s voice piercing in his ears.

And Shinji owns something to his fourteen year old self, that could do nothing but think of her and masturbate until he was empty inside, completely worn out and he was even more miserable and alone afterwards. Afternoons, sleepless nights spent in his bedroom until he couldn’t function anymore.

Alone to imagine what she might feel like, the thought of her in his mind consuming all of him, until no pieces of him remained untouched by her. Until he could barely recognize the pieces of him that didn't belong to her.

He owns something to his fourteen year old self. So he can take her as hard as he likes now.

  


* * *

This is just sex. What adults do to comfort each other. Not that she wants his comfort. He wouldn't be able to comfort anybody anyway.

He runs away from everything and everyone like the biggest coward she’s ever met. _Liar._ He’s nice, he’s sweet, his hands are gentle when he touches her, and somewhere deep within her she longs to feel his arms around her only because he wants to and not because of sex. Not like that. Not like that. Not while they’re _fucking_ against the wall.

His palms curl over her stomach, pushing her against him more forcefully, hips smashing, thrusting harder. Hands rough, fingers into her waist, dig deep into her skin, he’s inside her to the hilt.

He hits somewhere deep inside her, her eyes shut close, a loud gasp escape her mouth.

She’s so tight he can barely handle it, he thinks he can’t last long enough to make her come. He wants to. He wants to so badly.

Before she realizes it she comes shuddering and tighten around his cock, wishing she could muffles her cries into her arms. She’s more vocal that usual. And then Shinji is coming right there with her.

She pushes her hands against the wall, her arms bending, she arches her back, red hair falling down her forearms. He pulls her against him.With an incessant panting, he pushes his chest against her back, arms all around her.

  


* * *

  


No, no that was just sex.

She doesn't have to harbor any _feelings_ for him, expect disgust and repulsion and _hate_. So much hate. That’ all a wimp like him could ever raise in her. Asuka Langley Souryou is not fourteen anymore. She’s not trying to be the best. She’s not trying to fix herself either. Maybe she’s still a liar. She’s just using the first boy willing to satisfy her. And he’s the same old pervert as ever, so it coulnd’t be any better than that idiot.

She’s just using the firs boy she’s ever… ~~loved~~.

No, no, no, no.

This is just sex.

Now if only she had more strength enough to believe it.

* * *

_Get off me_ , is on the tip of her tongue but Asuka cannot speak. Out of habit, out of all the lies she cling to. All the lies that makes her who she is. She wants to be cold and cruel, she wants to be casual and mean. The only way she is with him. Like she always is. She wants him away from her. They were done, after all. She wanted to clean herself because she hated feeling him all over her still, smelling like him, feeling him inside her still.

But maybe maybe they could stay like that for a while.

It feels good when he holds her.

_Why you never hold me, idiot?_

It felt like there is somebody who cares fro her.

It feels like there actually is somebody who loves her.

It feels like _he_ loves her.

Shinji hadn't open his eyes, his forehead against her shoulder, her hair against his cheek. His hands around her hips, his body still trembling from the orgasm. Chest sweat slide against her back.

He knows she’s gonna push him away, kick him out any moment.

Push him away form her like he’s trash, a waste of breathing air, like he’s nothing, nothing, nothing, like he’s didn't just make her _come_. Like he wasn't inside her. Inside her.

His arm tighten around her out of instinct. He doesn’t want to let her go just yet.

She feels smaller in his arms and he feel like he wants to protect her. Like a real boyfriend would. _Her boyfriend._

He shut his eyes tight.

He’s pathetic. he’s really pathetic.

He wonders how long before she spat at him, snapping out of his fantasies. Tearing apart like paper all of his pathetic fantasies. Ripping them like paper.

Btu Asuka doesn't move.

He feel her leaning back to him a little, turn her face toward his until her still short breath crushing on his skin and her mouth is brushing and pressed to his cheek a soft kiss.

With his eyes closed, Shinji hears her sigh. His heart beats.

Maybe they can stay like that for a little while.

  


**Author's Note:**

> so, how do you enjoy your angst?


End file.
